Empowering Single Parents, through family story

My Journey as a Single Mom 

As I sit here, reflecting on my journey, I am reminded of the power of resilience and determination. My name is Cheryl, and I became a single mom in 2015. But my story began many years earlier, in 1999, when I moved to Texas from Guatemala City.  This is my family story.

Finding Myself in a New Country 

I was just a teenager trying to navigate a new country and culture. I had recently graduated from high school, started college, and ended a relationship with someone I thought I would marry. I was heartbroken, but I was also determined to start anew.  

Meeting My Ex-Husband and Building a Life Together

 I met my ex while he was visiting from out of town. It wasn't love at first sight. It slowly progressed, and we moved in together after three months of dating. We were young and thought we could conquer the world at the time. No one's opinion mattered because, in our minds, we had everything figured out. We knew that we didn't want kids at the time. We wanted to enjoy life, travel, and do everything before taking that next step, and we did. Our relationship was full of adventures as well as many ups and downs. After all, we were two kids growing up and figuring it out. After many years of dating, we figured it was time to take the next step and get married. I never saw marriage in my life. I didn't grow up thinking one day I would get married, have the perfect family, and live happily ever after. That's not something I saw in my family growing up.  

My parents separated when I was five, and at the time, they didn't have a good relationship. I didn't know what a good, loving relationship looked like. We decided it was time to have our first baby shortly after we got married. I was terrified. I never saw myself getting married. I never saw myself with a baby. I didn't know what to expect, but I had the best pregnancy. Everything was perfect. After having my first baby, I was lucky to be a stay-at-home mom.  

Becoming a Mom and Losing Myself 

At the time, I believed it was my life's purpose to be the best mom I could be. I was figuring out motherhood. I was hyper-focused on anything and everything that revolved around this baby to the point that I slowly started losing part of myself. All my life, I had been independent. This was the first time I was staying home with a baby and being a housewife, something I swore I would never do. I had become that person and slowly became so focused on living for my child that I forgot to live for myself.  

A Rocky Road 

The first couple of years of having our first baby. Our relationship was delicate. My husband at the time worked a lot. We barely saw each other except for late afternoons and part of Saturdays and Sundays. Looking back, I now understand that he was probably exhausted from work. He owned his own business, but at the time, I wanted to spend time together. Quality time is my love language. I can now see that during that time, we were both just coasting in our relationship. Neither one of us was putting in the effort. I was focused on being a mom. 

He was focused on growing his business, and we were both growing apart. I became pregnant with our second child a little before our son turned four. I knew our relationship was not in the best place then, and I was hesitant about having a second child, but I thought this would help our relationship. At the time, I didn't know that my ex-husband was also dealing with his troubles and insecurities. Our relationship shifted dramatically shortly after I became pregnant with our second child.  

Which just led us to grow further apart from each other. I was still hyper-focused on becoming a super mom, and he was hyper-focused on making it in the world. Our relationship kept growing apart to the point that we no longer spoke with each other. There was a lot left unsaid and a lot of resentment. When you're married and going through really emotional feelings, sometimes you can believe things that may not even be true. I had all types of different feelings throughout my marriage. I was five months pregnant then, and the relationship was not going in the right direction.  

Our separation was not aggressive by any means. There wasn't any verbal abuse or physical abuse. It was a total opposite. There was zero communication. We could not have an honest conversation about how we truly felt, but there was a mutual understanding that our relationship had ended, and it was time to go our separate ways. We loved each other so much, but we knew it was something we had to do. We didn't know then that our love would evolve into a different kind of love.

At first, I was devastated, but deep down, I knew I needed to walk away from the relationship. I had been holding on to the idea of keeping our family together for a long time. I was heartbroken that my family was falling apart. I was determined for the longest time to do things differently. I wanted to keep my family together because I wanted my children to grow up with mom and dad and to witness a loving relationship. I grew up in a broken family. I wanted to show my children that it can be different.   

The End of My Marriage and the Beginning of My Journey as a Single Mom

As my marriage came to an end, I was devastated. I had never seen myself as a single mom, and I didn't know how I would navigate this new chapter. But as I looked back on my journey, I realized I had been given a second chance. I had the opportunity to rediscover myself, to find my passions, and to build a new life for myself and my children.  

Finding Support and Healing 

As I navigated my new routine, I found support in unexpected places. I joined a program at a local church, where I met other women going through similar experiences. I found comfort in their stories, and I began to heal.  

Embracing My New Role as a Single Mom 

As I looked to the future, I knew I had a choice: let my circumstances define me or use them as an opportunity to grow. I chose the latter. I started to focus on my healing and began to build a new life for myself and my children.  

From Broken to Brave 

If you're reading this and going through a similar experience, I want you to know there is hope. You are not alone, and your circumstances do not define you. You have the power to choose how you respond to your challenges, and you have the power to create a new life for yourself and your children.  Rewriting My Story: My journey as a single mom has not been easy, but it has been worth it. I have learned to find strength in my vulnerability and to trust myself. If you're looking for a story of hope and resilience, I hope you'll find inspiration in my journey.  

Edited by Marilyn Diaz

Written in 2024